Help! My Neighbors Dumped Their Crazy Dogs on Me. I’m About to Get Rid of Them. (2024)

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Dear Prudence,

Six months ago, my neighbors got evicted from their rental property and begged me to take in their two dogs. The dogs are hyperactive and unsocialized. I can’t walk both of them at the same time without getting my arm yanked around, and they have to be muzzled around other dogs. My backyard looks like a bomb went off. My neighbors have failed to take them back twice and getting money out of them is like pulling teeth. Last time, I told them they had a month to figure out what to do or I would surrender the dogs. I screamed and my neighbors whipped up their kids into hysterics.

I hung up the phone. I am just ready to give the dogs to a rescue. My generosity has got me nothing but ingratitude and destruction of my property. My partner has nearly been knocked off her feet because the dogs continue to jump on her. Legally, I am in the clear. The dogs are abandoned property at this point. I really hate to do this but I don’t see any other way out. Help.

—Dog Gone

Dear Dog Gone,

Offering a month’s warning was a perfect, generous, fair plan. You were on the right track until you decided you were only going to follow through with it if your out-of-control former neighbors suddenly developed new personalities and behaved reasonably. That’s not going to happen, so try again. The hardest part about the situation you’re in is that even though you’re doing the right thing, these people are going to be mad at you and make you uncomfortable. But that won’t mean you’re wrong. And getting yelled at again won’t be as bad as watching your partner get seriously injured when one of the dogs jumps on her. The poor animals don’t deserve to be in this situation, so take your time to research the best and most reputable rescue available, set another deadline, and when it comes, drop them off.

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Dear Prudence,

I got divorced when my two kids were in high school, after I finished my degree. It was very horrible because my ex was an excellent narcissistic liar and could sell snow to a snowman. He had multiple affairs over our entire marriage but made me out to be the bad guy. (I was, according to him, sleeping with my boss, my teacher, or the manager at the mini-mart.) My kids swallowed up everything and nothing I could say or do would change their mind. I thought distance and college would wake them up. Instead they got worse.

In the meantime, I found “Ben.” He is kind, quiet, and so good to me. My ex had been diagnosed with cancer and his girlfriend left him, so for me to be happy was an offense to the universe. The first holiday I spent with Ben and the kids, they left early because they were so disgusted with us since their dad was left all alone by me. I locked myself in the bathroom and cried myself sick after that. And that has been the holding pattern for the last six years. A cycle of thaw and freeze depending on the fortunes of my ex. Ben and I have moved in together. He wants to marry me and I want to marry him. The thought of a wedding without my children makes me want to vomit, but part of me resents playing this role. I am tired of these strings.

To add to the situation, my daughter has been engaged for three years. COVID killed her wedding, and it is planned for the new year. I got a plus one but she doesn’t want Ben to come. It would “hurt” her dad, and she wants both of us to play our parts. I protested that Ben and I had been together for many years, and he could just sit with my sister and her husband. My sister snapped that this was a line I shouldn’t cross and told me to just go alone, because my was bitter after another failed relationship and venture loss.

I am tired. I have done my best and it wasn’t enough. Ben has offered to come with me for moral support, but I am honestly thinking of bowing out on everything but the ceremony and reception. Work has been difficult and I have health issues. The money I gave for the wedding is gone. My daughter wants more since her father has suffered misfortune. Do I just give up?

—Wedding Blues

Dear Wedding Blues,

Don’t give any more money, but attend all the wedding events without Ben. Not because your daughter is being reasonable or because you were wrong for getting remarried. But because this will buy you more time to potentially, one day, repair your relationship with your kids.
They didn’t ask to have a narcissistic liar for a father, and even though it’s tempting to think that they’re adults now and should shake off his influence over them, we all know that’s not how it works. You could put your foot down and boycott the wedding, but who would really win in that case? I don’t think you’re truly ready to give up on them.

On that note, your issues with your daughter obviously won’t be resolved after this event is behind you. You can do what she wants in this situation—letting her know that you’ll attend alone because you respect her wishes and her peace of mind, not because your relationship is shameful—while also telling her that when her big day is over, you hope to have a serious conversation about whether you can move forward as mother and daughter without all the bitterness and drama.

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Dear Prudence,

I work in an IT role at a very large, well-known and selective university. My role is very “back of house,” and I have no interactions with students, and neither am I involved in student life, admissions, or academics at all. I’ve recently received several increasingly demanding messages (some via LinkedIn) and several directly to my work email from a student services counselor working at my previous institution—where I haven’t worked for six years! The messages demand that I set him and some of his advising students up with a tour, connect them with dining services (?), faculty, and provide him information on public transportation and “sights to see.” This is not a person that I know, outside of working for the same institution years ago. We weren’t even in the same department!

Not only is this not related at all to my job, I have no knowledge or connections with these types of functions. Regardless, based on how aggressive the emails are, I don’t want to assist in any way. The messages are poorly worded with a lot of typos and grammatical errors and demonstrate a shocking amount of ignorance as to how admissions work at private prestigious institutions. The first two I dismissed as spam, promptly blocking him from my socials, but the emails concern me, especially as he’s now cc’ing me into emails to other people. I don’t think he can get me into trouble, but I’m embarrassed by his pushiness, his ignorance, and the fact that he is trying to leverage a tenuous connection with me to push his agenda.

To clarify, he is not faculty, he works in some kind of student support role. Also, this is just gossip, but my friend (who still works at my past job and knows him) told me he has been in trouble in the past for sexual harassment and he has a history of pushing boundaries. I also found an interview with the university paper where he says “he doesn’t take no for an answer,” which is why I fear he’ll keep escalating. My husband thinks I should escalate to his boss; however, according to his institution directory, his immediate supervisor position is vacant. I want him to leave me alone. Obviously, I’m not going to gatekeep how he interacts with my current institution—that’s not my business. I just want him to stop messaging me. I’ve gone over every type of response in my head and continuing to send the messages to spam and blocking where I can seems the best course of action.

—De-Tour De Farce

Dear De Farce,

Choose the most recent message and write back. The idea is to say something that will let him know you won’t be helping out, but that is also kind and professional, so that if he does try to escalate the matter or somehow get you in trouble, he won’t have anything to go on. Try this: “Hi Dan. Great to hear from you, and it sounds like you’re planning some great things for your students. Unfortunately, my job here doesn’t connect me to any of the departments you’re interested in so I won’t be able to assist. I’m sorry I couldn’t be more helpful. I definitely suggest contacting the admissions office.” If he replies in a demanding or unhinged way, continue to block and send to spam and ignore him as much as possible.

Catch up on this week’s Prudie.

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